Dear Harper (3.5),

Dear Harper,  As of January 31st, you are three and a half years old. I bet you don't know just how big your life has been in the last three and a half years. I know, though. I feel it all the time. Three and a half years ago you came in the this world, with ease, looked into my eyes, and I was done. It was from that day forward my heart lept out of my body, and it has been living there ever since.
I bet you don't know some days just how big my love is for you. Between the tantrums, and frustrations, and us butting heads, it can get lost. You are at a very pivotal moment in your life. You are feeling it all, and you are growing. You start somedays off not wanting me or needing me at all (miss independent) but then usually at some point you melt into my arms when you just can't handle being a big girl anymore, and that is always my favorite. Knowing you need me more that anything in the world, gets me through the hardest of days. 
Harper, I love you so much because you help me see the world just as it should be. You see, some days I get lost in it all. I want to be an amazing mother, have a six pack, and appear as a super model, and you remind me it isn't about that. You don't think in that way, and I wish I could keep you in that mindset. Please know that around you I feel the prettiest, because at three and a half you see me for me, which is incredible. 
Harper, you probably won't remember this, but last night you had a bad dream. You were walking out of your room searching for me, scared, and I scooped you up and laid you back down in bed, wiping away your tears, just as mine began falling. You asked me to stay for a little bit so I curled up next to you in bed, and you looked up at me with your big blue eyes and said, "You can always sleep with me mom, I always have room for you, I love you".  So I stayed. I stayed until you drifted back asleep and I took you all in. There isn't much baby left in your face these days, what is there in its place is this beautiful little girl. A little girl who changes so much every single day, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it--this big girl stuff. But I'm sure happy you'll always be my baby. 
You see, I just love you so much. I love our easy days, and our hard days. You are a constant reminder to me of what is good. You are grace. You are love. At three and a half you continue to mould me, and grow me into the woman I want to be--the woman I am meant to be. It is a simple job really, and I guess it really isn't even a job, but a pleasure. I've never been more proud of anything in my entire life than I am of you and your sister. You are what life is about. 
As you continue to grow I know I can't protect you from everything (but I will try), and it makes my heart ache. But please know that together we can do it all. Together we can be brave. We can be joyous. We can even be sad. Some days it is what we will need and it is just as important of a feeling as anything else. Every milestone you hit we can handle because I'm always with you. We are a team, team Harper. 
Harp, there was a reason when I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be a mom while my other friends wanted to play basketball, or be a doctor. It was because I knew that one day I would somehow get that chance to be a mother, and experience the relationship I experience with you and your sister. It has been everything this little girl could have dreamed of, and more. For that I have you both to thank.
One more thing. I can only hope that time slows down a little bit. But deep down, I know this is the calm before the storm. You are growing up. Soon, school, soccer, piano lessons, ballet, and other friends will take over and I'm going to do my best to welcome it. It will be hard knowing I won't be you around 24/7. It will be so hard to drop you off, knowing that you could have a bad day, or that someone might hurt you, or that you might miss me, and I won't be there to give you a hug and remind everything is ok. But we will get through it. Please know that at any chance you will give me, I'll accept the invitation you gave me the other night, and I'll curl up next to you and watch you sleep, because despite you growing in years or in size, my baby you'll be.
I Love You To The Moon & Back, Mom