I was having a conversation as my mom the other day and she mentioned to me what I sometimes feel. As a woman once you become a mother something interesting happens. It is as though some days it feels like every one else is moving on with their lives and you aren't. I can't even begin to tell you the times I have felt just this. I'm sure it happens at least once a week. It very much is a restless feeling. But I think I have had these feelings my entire life even before I became a mother. I have always wondered if I'm doing what I should be doing? Is the path I am taking really God's plan for me?
My first problem is I thought my purpose had to come from big things. Things like a college degree, a dream job, a big house, a nice car, you know the material things. But it doesn't. My purpose comes from the little things. The little moments. It is having a banana and milk ready for Harper every morning, it is a cup of coffee and laughter with a friend, it is sadness, heartbreak, and it is there even in the struggles.
At some point I lost the ability to find worth in my life, when it has been there in front of my face the entire time. So lately I have been reaching out spiritually to God. Working on not being stuck in what I feel are societal norms and what I think everyone else thinks I should be doing in this world. God made me unique for a reason. It is time I start dreaming again and finding worth in every moment of my life. I have a purpose. It is different than every one else's and if I listen to God maybe I'll finally realize that everything is part of his plan.
I'm not going to be scared of my feelings any more. Every time they get intense I associate them as a negative thing. I have come to realize as of lately they are part of me longing for god and my relationship with him. It is hard so realize sometimes but God is taking my life and weaving something beautiful out of it. As for my dreams. I'm going to keep dreaming big. Sometimes dreams take some time. As for my purpose I think I have found it in my roles as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend, and I plan on continuing to rediscover it as life changes. Today I make the choice to not focus on the future and my to do list. Today I chose to be in the moment and listen, embracing life from where I sit. Today I get over myself and welcome the unique me. The one that God created for a reason.
Blessings friends.
