A Happy Candace

My heart is so full these days. So full. I used to have daily fearful thoughts that have now been replaced with happy "I really love my life" butterflies. I can't hardly believe that just a few weeks ago I was in such a dark place. Letting it all out felt so good. Crying a good hard ugly cry felt so good. It made me realize how important my feelings are. How important I am, which is something I tend to forget most days as I work really hard to put every one else's needs before mine. But this morning as I sip on my coffee I'm typing these words from such good place.

My husband and I have been married for four years this coming October. The past four years have easily been the hardest most amazing years of my life. In four years we have had 2 children, moved 5 times, survived a deployment, and survived flight school. Transition. That is probably our least favorite word. Our life since marriage has been in constant transition as we try to balance civilian life and Army National Guard Pilot life. It isn't always easy and it separates us more than keeps us together but we are slowly finding a balance.

I'm so happy to say that we are finally settling down. We are making a home in Billings and we are really happy about that. We are just an hour away from the mountains (my happy place) but thriving in the "big city". We are surrounded by family which is really great, especially for the girls who get to spend a lot of time with their grandparents, and uncles. Also some of my favorite friends in the world are here and I'm loving being close to them again and i'm excited to form new friendships here as well. And me? I'm getting out there. I recently took a job as the Director of Older  Children's Ministry at my church and I will be teaching Sunday school to two different age groups. I'm really excited for this new adventure. Excited to have something out side of mom life for a few hours a week and on Sunday's, and I'm very excited to keep growing spiritually. The girls and I are also starting MOPS this September and I am going to enroll Harper in Kinder Musik and a Tiny Tumblers class at the YMCA and we will drag Finley along with us. There are so many exciting things on the horizon for us, and so many neat opportunities in the city of Billings.

On the home front we are still living in our little apartment for now but we are starting to talk about houses. We know when our lease is up we will either be buying a house or renting one and we are excited about that. We are ready for a yard and a space where we feel excited to invite family and friends over. We are also pretty sure that, that yard needs to include a puppy.

 So yeah I guess we are in a good place. I'm in a good place. A happy place. I am feeling so much freedom since I have let go of a lot of dark feelings and that is what has brought me happiness. I'm following my own path these days and it is very fulfilling. Funny how that works. I couldn't always see it but I do now. I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing. It is good for me to live in this mindset, in this positivity. It is good for my family, and my friends too. I no longer think that the only way to love myself is if others do. It is quite opposite. My confidence is growing more with each day. My life is so abundant. I'm lucky. I hope to continue to stay in this place, and I truly think I will. I'm embracing my happiness from within and it is amazing how beautiful life becomes when you do so.

Happy Friday.

Who Could Ask For Anything More?

As this pregnancy gets further along I find myself day dreaming about sisters. What kind of one Harper will be, and will she and Finley be best friends? You know things like that. Having a sister is certainly a special thing but something I know nothing about. I still think back to the moment I found out Harper was a girl. I was so surprised. I did not expect that at all. You see I have 3 brothers, and my husband has two so I just knew we were probably having a boy too. It just seemed to be the way it went in our families. Boy was I wrong. When we found out Harper was a girl I was in awe. Just as I  was when we found out we were expecting yet another girl this second time around. I just couldn't believe it.

Every day since it just occupies my mind. I'm thrilled I am to be having another girl. I wanted Finley. Instead of dreaming of having a boy the second time around, all I thought about was Harper having a sister. I'll admit I feel a little guilty. Don't get me wrong I want a rambunctious, sweet, baby boy some day but for now I'm in girl heaven. I can't wait to watch Harper, and Finley's sisterhood develop.

I just can't believe that I get to do this all again. When I became a mom for the first time it was so life changing and amazing. I'm so thrilled that I get to bring life into this world again. It is the most awesome thing I have ever experienced. I can't say it enough, I feel incredibly blessed. Our lives are about to change come June. My husband and I are about to experience more love, bliss, and delight then I ever thought could be possible. The same goes for Harper too. As I continue to show her how to love, come June I will show her how to love even more.

I know too with all this incredible bliss, will come incredible exhaustion. A lot less time for me, for eating, for showering, you know all that good stuff. But In all 28 years of my life I feel like I have had a lot of me time, and while I still enjoy it, I'm okay with giving it up to raise a family. As we are about to expand our family I feel like god is helping me become more refined and is making me more beautiful. I feel wiser. More wise than I ever felt when reading books and doing home work in college while working towards a degree. More wise than in my early 20's when I honestly thought I knew it all. Mother hood continues to shape me.

I guess what I'm getting at is I can't wait until June. To see how our growing family changes us all once again. To experience all the things that come with it good and bad, and to do it all with the people I love the most. Family is a beautiful thing, change is a beautiful thing, aging, my friends is a beautiful thing. What a journey we are all on. Who could ask for anything more?