Pump, Pump, Pump it Up

Finley turned six weeks old this week. Time is flying. She is growing so much. She is in size one diapers (not for much longer) and 3 months jammies. I already had to pack away newborn clothes which was about the most depressing thing ever. But she is healthy and she is growing. And you know what? That is courtesy of boob milk and formula.

There was a day this week where I spent any free time I had googling "Why I Gave Up Breastfeeding" as if I needed a reason for myself. This was after a typically tiring day where I felt as though I spent more time attached to a pump then doing anything else with my day. I was just exhausted. Especially because when I pump I don't always get great results. It still really hurts. So I did it. I told my husband that is it i'm done, i'm going to quit. I decided I would keep pumping until I was through with all the supplements I bought. It was funny, after I decided to stop I felt this huge sense of relief. Butterflies almost. The thought of my world not revolving around my boobs was fantastic. No more disappointment. No more feeling less than. I told my husband and he supported me because after having this happen not once, but twice he gets it.

Well fast forward to 3 days later and still I haven't quit. In fact things have gotten better. Maybe the thought of me stopping and feeling that huge sense of relief made me relax. Made my milk flow. Haha. I'm still exclusively pumping for Finley. It just works better for us. My supply has gone up. It still isn't always enough and Finley has some formula but she is getting a lot of my milk. For someone who has low supply that is great.

And lets talk about low supply. It is a thing. It isn't due to a lack of trying or being uneducated. I have spent a ton of time with my local Lactation Consultants, all 3 of them to be exact. They have all concluded I have low supply but still continue to be an amazing resource to keep me motivated to do what I can. Just as some women have an over supply of milk others have an under supply. I keep coming across people who just don't understand it. Some of them mothers themselves. It drives me crazy. Boob, bottle, pumping exclusively...we are all just doing our best.

This week I also joined an amazing Facebook group for mothers that exclusively pump. I have found so much support there. There are women on there just like me. I don't feel as alone anymore. I'm learning so much. I feel at ease.

I even set a goal for myself. That goal is to make it 6 months. I know there are going to be hard days but those days are usually followed by awesome ones. Mothers are amazing. I embrace every mother that I come across without judgement. There is no wrong or right here. There is no winning. There is just love for our children.

Whatever you do. Do it proudly. For me its exclusively pumping and bottles. For you it may be breast. All forms are beautiful. All of our journeys are different and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

In honor of national breastfeeding week I thought I should share my story. It is messy and not perfect but it deserves to be heard too. Even if it includes some formula.