And The Tree Was Happy...

One thing you might not know about me is that I collect children's books. To me they are the most beautiful books out there, a collection of words, pictures, and always the most beautiful little stories. I love them all. If you came to our house you would see that our collection of children's books are scattered every where so that we can read them whenever we want. Lately there is one story that has been on my mind, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. If you aren't familiar the Plot Summary is as follows:

The book follows the life of a female apple tree and a boy who are able to communicate with each other; the tree addresses the human as "Boy" his entire life. In his childhood, the boy enjoys playing with the tree, climbing her trunk, swinging from her branches, and eating her apples. However, as time passes he starts to make requests of the tree. After entering adolescence, the boy wants money; the tree suggests that he pick and sell her apples, which he does. After reaching adulthood, the boy wants a house; the tree suggests he cut her branches to build a house, which he does. After reaching middle age, the boy wants a boat; the tree suggests he cut her trunk to make a boat, which he does, leaving only a stump. In the final pages, the boy (now a shriveled old man) wants only "a quiet place to sit and rest," which the stump provides. The story ends with the sentence "And the tree was happy."

My parents love this book. This book was read to me numerous times. When I was younger I didn't always understand it. More so I didn't understand the little boy in the book that continued to take and take from the tree. But now, as a mother to two beautiful girls I get it. I get it so much. I am the tree. I am constantly giving so much to my husband and my children. I would give anything to keep them happy. My love for them is free, it is unconditional.

This is such an interesting time in my life as I try to find balance and maintain my identity as a person, not just a mother. Life before marriage and kids used to be me, me, me and now it is about them. I can't even tell you the last time I really did something for myself. These days doing something for myself usually means going to Target alone. But why am I at Target? Probably to buy diapers or wipes. It is still about them. I can't even tell you the times where I have decided to not get myself something because I could get them something. It is weird how that works. But that is what mothers do. We wait for our children. We give and we give. We give to the point so much it hurts sometimes. We are not the center of their lives though they are very much the center of ours. It is truly bittersweet. However it gives me such great pleasure because it is who I am and they, my family, are who I love the most.

I get this book. I get it so much now. Like I said I'm the tree. I still have apples to give. Right now my children aren't asking for any of them but I know that time will come. I know they will eventually become independent from me. So right now I'm savoring the time so much for it is already going so very fast. Nothing brings me more joy than making them happy. I'm always going to be like the tree. There for them not matter what they need.

Harper and Finley have made me this wonderful person and I'm so thankful. I feel like I'm more loving and giving and it is not because they are constantly thanking me, it is because I know now what it means to love and for them I will continue to do so freely.

Unconditional love. This is what makes mothers amazing. That willingness to care for, to give all, and to love. There are some days (okay a lot of days) where you don't always feel appreciated. But you are. Trust me you and I are making an impact. When you give it always comes back to you though you may not always see it.

I am the tree & I am happy.