First and foremost I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. I know every morning when you look in the mirror instead of seeing the beautiful woman and mother you are you see someone who is tired. Some one you think should be skinnier. You had a child 7 weeks ago. 7. How dare you be so hard on yourself? I know, I know you see it every where. Women who bounce back after babies and are skinny again. It doesn't make sense to you. But remember they are not you and never should they over shadow the amazing things your body just went through. Those stretch marks are beautiful. So is that extra skin that stretched out because you were growing a human being. So are your boobs. They are feeding one of your children and how freaking amazing is that? In time your body will become more normal. Not the normal it once was but a new sort a normal and it will be beautiful too. Just you wait and see.
When you are finished beating yourself up over body, I would like you to stop being so hard on yourself as a mother. Those two little girls are a reflection of you and you are doing things right. Remember that Harper is two, and two is hard and it has nothing to do with you. Remember that you won't always have Finley to hold and cuddle, so soak it up. You are doing the best you can every single day and it is enough. Look at how you keep your family fed, clean (well you know most days), and happy. Remember that. So stop worrying. Even in the moments you feel imperfect you are good enough. You are the best damn mama for those girls! I don't want you to cry anymore. I know you are exhausted and I know you are bored sometimes. You feel bad about it but you shouldn't. The feelings you have are completely normal. Being a mother is hard. Nobody said it was easy but that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong.
Remember too that you are a person outside of all of this. You may think you are boring and stuck in a stand still. You may feel jealous of other peoples lives. People that shower daily...people that travel the world. You don't know their story. In fact they might be jealous of you. Remember that just because right now being a mother takes most of your time, you have an entire life ahead of you. You can still travel. You can still pursue more dreams. In fact I am pretty sure you can do all of the above and still continue to be the mother you strive to be. Quit telling yourself you are less than for thinking these things. Your daughters aren't going to remember down the road that their mother doesn't have a degree. They are going to remember the important things like how they feel safe under your roof, and how they laugh with you. They are are going to remember dance parties in the kitchen, and signing Frozen in the car. They are going to remember how your hugs make them suddenly feel like everything is okay. They love you. All of you. They think you are awesome.
And self, your feelings of fear and anxiety are completely normal. You have things in your life worth loving. And you love HARD. But would you stop being scared and live in the moment more? Let Harper cover you in stickers. Leave the dirty dishes in the sink. Be present. Take it all in. But be okay with the hard days too. They are part of life and we wouldn't appreciate the sunshine and warmth of a new day if we didn't have those too.
Lastly, down the road would you come back here and read this letter? Seriously. Read it and laugh at how far you have come. Laugh because you beat whatever you are going through. Because I know in right now in this moment you don't see just how okay you really are and how completely normal your feelings are. Don't beat yourself up anymore. Just look at your beautiful daughters, and your amazing husband and smile. Know how much the three of them love and appreciate you. Messy you. Look how good you have it. Let go of the rest of the crap and continue to love them as strongly as you do. They need it and they always will.
Self, it is time you learn to love yourself. Embrace it. All of it.
You've got this.
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