I cherish the early morning hours I really do. That first cup of coffee in my favorite cup, in the silence of the morning is one of my most favorite things in the world. It is at this time where I can sit and take it all in. When I can reflect. When I can read. Or I can write. Perfection.
Lately there has been a lot on my mind as I struggle with who I am. I guess it isn't really a struggle it is just letting go of certain things. It is finding a balance. It is learning I cannot please everyone. It is learning to love and take care of myself. A constant work in progress.
Ever since I became a mother I guess you could say I grew up. I didn't even realize it. I just did it. It is crazy like that. However since returning home I have had a bit of identity crisis of who I am and who I used to be. I have had a night or two where I tried to be younger Candace and enjoy a night out. Don't get me wrong I had fun but I'm so very beyond that. I officially feel like the old person at the bar. Actually I kind of am the old person. Haha. I'm learning that a fun night these days consists of dinner and drink or two with friends. Or a bottle of wine at home on your couch with your husband after a hard week of work.
I guess my problem is letting go. I'm content more and more with who I am becoming but there is always this part of me a little sad to see wild Candace go. But getting older is certainly beautiful. With it comes so much greatness. I'm ready to fully let go and embrace it. I cannot promise that there won't be a crazy night out in there every once in awhile. What can I say? I'm wild at heart. But those will be few and far between. I'm guess I'm growing up.
I so relate to this post. I'm about to move home in two weeks, now with a kid. I think I'm going to have a hard time figuring out where I fit in now that everything is different!
ReplyDeleteSuch a well written reflection. I just turned 26 and don't have a kid yet, but alot of our friends do. It's still weird that we have as much fun barbequeing as out.
ReplyDeleteI'm 36 and still like a good night out...but they're few and far between anymore.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I could've written this post, Candace. I find myself "growing up" and feeling like the old lady when I do go out. I just want to have dinner, a couple drinks, and go back home to get in my PJs and snuggle on the couch. That's fun to me now. But then a part of me wishes I was 19 again and went bar hopping most nights of the week with my girlfriends. Ahh, life. It's tough. <3
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