E N F J

According to the Meyers-Briggs test, I am an ENFJ. I am Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. Basically I'm outgoing, like to think about the future, feel everything, and love my life predictable and organized. Lately my personality is causing me much frustration as my life continues to change. Like with friendships. I'm outgoing, I'm a people person. But then I became a mother. It changed everything. It meant that I no longer was the social butterfly I once was. People don't necessarily think of you anymore when they make plans, and I get it. It is harder for us to come out. We have to line up a babysitter and we are usually checking on our children, or talking about them, or tired and ready to go home by 9. This has caused me some loneliness. Honestly, being a mother is lonely, but that loneliness is a small price to pay for the beauty that is bringing up a child. But the feeler in me is sad. I'm sad because I'm slowly not clinging to my youth anymore. I'm sad because I have grown apart from friendships that are very dear to me. Sad because life is changing. However I am enjoying the quality of the friendships I do have. As a people pleaser it is hard for me to let go of the once "wild" Candace, there once was, you know, the one who karaokes and dances. But i'm learning to say no. Because, that isn't me anymore. It is silly though, in my head I feel like my friends will judge me. That they won't like me any longer if I say no to a night out. But then I realize if they felt that way about me saying no, they weren't really friends at all and so I let it go. 
The other curse of being an ENFJ is that we care so much about others. We are always helping others because somehow we get a sense of self when we do, or we need the approval of other people to somehow validate ourselves. We also tend to look outwards instead of inwards and I'm tired of that. I deemed 2015, "The Year of Candace", and while I do care what others think about me, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter. Appearances can be misleading and I need to work on my underlying feelings. So here I am trying to work on my personal growth, and to stop working so hard to please others, and stop neglecting myself. But it is so so hard. I haven't quite figured out how to do it. 
Then there is the fact that as an ENFJ, I feel everything. It is exhausting. We can be in a room full of people I don't know, and I will be able to tell a person is depressed. I will absorb said persons feeling and my day will take on an entirely different feel than it began with. I take on not only my burdens but the burdens of others. I find this characteristic of an ENFJ to be a blessing and a curse. 
I guess what I'm getting at in the rant of nonsense is i'm going for it, you know working on me, and the world needs to watch out. I'm going to start saying no more often. I'm going to let go of friendships that aren't good for me. I'm going to stop letting people take advantage of me and my kindness. I'm going to stop feeling guilty. I'm going to embrace getting older. I'm going to immerse myself in motherhood, even the lonely parts. I'm going to keep feeling all the feels. I'm going to be honest, even if its brutal or it may hurt you. I'm going to find comfort in silence, and alone time, which as an ENFJ is hard for me to do. But it is important, because in that silence I'm not truly alone, but with a special person, me. 
And the truth is, I kind of like me. ENFJ and all.