Just A Mom.

My father works for the University here in town. It is just one of the many hats he wears, and he wears it well. This week we went and had lunch with him up at the college. It was wonderful. The girls had fun with their Grandpa, as they always do, and I had fun with my father, as I always do. As I sat there in the cafeteria however I was reminded of what I am not. I felt small. Sure some of the people probably looked at my family and thought to themselves, I can't wait to have that. Little did they know that I was sitting there, looking at them, thinking I was a failure.

Being a wife, and a mother has been the greatest gift that was ever given to me. It truly is. But as I become immersed in this roll I can't help but feel like something is missing. Like I need more. I need something more for me, or that I need to be more for my family.  I don't know what that is though, and that is where my frustration lies. I told my husband tonight that maybe I should finish my degree and he asked me why? I told him that if had my degree, that when people asked our daughters if I went to college they could say yes, she has her business degree. He of course said to me that if that was what I wanted that he would help make that happen. The truth is, that wouldn't make happy. Yes, I would perhaps feel that I didn't waste my time, or my money if I had my degree, but it would not bring me happiness. Not unless that is what I really wanted in this moment. But I don't. And even though I don't have my degree, I wouldn't trade any of my experiences, or any of the knowledge I gained by working towards obtaining it.

But after lunch at the University I cam home and felt sorry for myself, thinking, what do you have to offer? I still honestly can't answer that. but I would like to think that my children are gaining things from me, and that when they tell people about me they will tell them the things I instilled in them. Things that didn't come from a degree.

They will tell them that because of me they appreciate all this world has to offer. That people are beautiful, amazing, and all different. They will tell them they believe in kindness and the goodness of others. They will tell people that they love people, no matter who those people love. They will tell them that our planet is important. That being outside is amazing and that nature is one of the most beautiful gifts that we have been given. They will tell them that they love a certain song because we sang and danced to it in the kitchen, or that a book is their favorite because I read it to them before bed. They will tell their friends that they love the holidays because I made them magical. They will tell them that they know what love is, because they saw that between their father and I. They will tell them they know that things aren't always easy, but lucky for us tomorrow is always a new day. They will tell them that life is about the simple things, and that laughing is their favorite.

You see, I think that I'm not enough some days. But I am. Sure I still feel some emptiness but I'm  developing and growing as a person too, just as they are, and I want them to see that. I know someday people are going to ask my children what I do, and they will respond that I'm a mom. Little do they know what that means to my daughters, or just how much strength that word actually holds. To me, just a mom, means the world, and right now I think I'm doing something right by them.