Overjoyed, and Overwhelming

One of my close girlfriends told me the other day while we were out to dinner that she didn't think she was ever going to have kids. When I asked her why, she told me the more she thinks about it the more overwhelmed she becomes. She then went on to explain to me that her sister, who is a mother of two told her the other day that the effect children have on is you so hard to explain. She claimed she has never been more overwhelmed by something, nor has she ever loved something so much.

That is being a parent. It is incredibly bittersweet. There honestly is nothing to prepare you for what you are getting into. When I found out I was pregnant with Harper I picked up the What to Expect books. I hated them. Nothing prepared me for the overwhelming emotions I was about experience on a daily basis. 

It didn't prepare me for the fact that I would have an amazingly smart 2.5 year old. One that reads, knows her ABC's, 123's, shapes, and makes up her own songs. However, that same 2.5 year old will be absolutely mortified of potty training. She will have epic meltdowns if you mention the potty. It didn't prepare me for the tears that would fill my eyes as my heart was breaking for her because she doesn't understand that it is ok if she can't do it right away, that she is just learning, and that these things take time. Where was that chapter?

Maybe it got lost with the chapter about your clingy almost 8 month old who currently thinks the world is ending because she is getting teeth and the only way to distract her from said teething is holding her, all day long, unless she is sleeping.

Or the one about how special the bathroom becomes. It is a pretty popular place now that I am a mom. I never potty alone in there now (thanks, Harp) and it is where I go to cry. I cry because some days are just really hard. I question myself and my parenting. Am I a good enough mother? If I am then why is my child behaving this way? The bathroom isn't all bad though. Trust me. When the girls are in bed it is also my happy place. A place where a warm bath awaits me, usually with a glass of red wine. 

Another chapter I would add is how amazing it is that you get to relive everything with your children. How beautiful and innocent the world becomes again through their eyes. But it is also hard. You get to relive the pain. You feel everything. You become nervous for them as they make new friends. You feel sad when someone doesn't want to play with them and they don't understand why. The emotions you feel as a mother, take you all over the place.

Overjoyed, and overwhelming. That is how I would explain it. It is not easy and some days require more work than others. Sometimes I really feel like I'm making a difference in my girls lives, only to be shortly followed by me wondering if I'm teaching them anything at all. There are scary moments, and moments that test me.  But it is priceless. It continues to grow me. The stressful days make me better. I love my girls. They are beautiful, yet incredibly taxing, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

These things and more are the things I wish I could have learned about ahead of time. But like I said, nothing can prepare you for it. Not even a best selling parenting book. Parenting. The toughest job, I've ever loved and I hope my friend gets to experience it one day. Because it is worth it. It is hands down the best ride I have ever been on.