These Days...

That first cup of coffee goes too fast, does it not? Since having children I have become a morning person. At first it wasn't by choice. I had to get up every hour to nurse, or change a diaper. It was pure exhaustion. I never wanted sleep more in my life like I did the first month with the girls. But then you eventually turn a page. You sleep again. Starting with 2 hours in a row and if you are lucky like us eventually 8 again. And that is where we are today. Finley at almost two months (Saturday) is sleeping through the night. I never thought it would happen. I thought surely she'll be different than her sister who is an excellent sleeper. But she isn't. Finley is a good sleeper too. It is such a relief.

It is funny. Now that she does sleep, and I can sleep, I don't. I get up during the middle night to pump and then I'm up again before the sun comes up and I usually don't go back to sleep. That time has become my time. I pump, have a cup of coffee (or two), read blogs and sometimes write. Our home is quiet and dark and I love it. I love watching the sun come up. I love the promise of a new day. It brings me peace.

Peace is a place I'm at lately. Looking back the past two months have been filled with a lot of unrest. Adding another kid to our family has challenged us and overwhelmed us. But lately those feeling have subsided quite a bit. We are getting into a groove, and embracing the change she has brought us. We love our life, we really do. We love our girls. 

So many things are going right now. The biggest thing being breastfeeding. I nurse Finley now strictly for comfort and the rest of the time I pump. Looking back I can't believe I almost gave it up. We are doing so good now. There is actually a stash of milk in the fridge. I never thought I'd get to this point. And when I pump? I pump a good amount. Well a good amount for me anyways. I am doing the best that I can do and I finally accepted that. It may not be as much as other women but it is enough for Finely & I. She gets bottles of my milk now. She is a beautiful chunk of a baby and it is because of me, because of what I can give her and I cannot tell you how amazing that makes me feel.

And can we talk about Harper for a minute? She is two now. Two. I can't hardly believe it. It is like she is a grown up all of a sudden. Her personality surprises me every day. She is smart, funny, and dramatic and it can be exhausting. But that is two for you. Last night she got to jump in a bouncy house the first time. I watched as her father held her hand up to the house and then I watched her let go. She took on the bouncy house all by herself. She didn't need us to hold her hand or bounce in there with her. I guess that is what I'm noticing most about her lately. She is letting go a lot right now, enjoying her new found independance. She is taking on the world with no fear. I couldn't be more proud.

I'm doing it. This mom thing. Some times I'm so hard on myself and telling myself that I'm not doing it right. But I'm done with that. These days I'm looking at it differently. I am doing it right. And I am a good mother. My daughters are a reflection of that. I'm really loving where we are at right now in this game of life. We have kids. Kids. It is so awesome to say that is it not? We made these two beautiful girls and not a single day passes where I don't count my lucky stars.

I wouldn't trade these days for the world.