Enough is Enough

Parenting comes in waves for me. Some of the waves are good and some of them are bad. I guess I shouldn't say parenting. It is just my emotions. Parenting is funny. It is hard. Interesting things happen. There are a lot of unknowns. There are a lot of fears. But there are a lot of happy, amazing, beautiful things that happen too.

Parenting has done a number on me mentally and physically. There are days where my heart feels like it might burst and days where I want to scream and cry because I become frustrated. Days when I know I'm doing just what Harper needs and days when I don't feel like I am enough. Lately that has been on my mind. Some times I wish I would have done things different. I wish I would have told my parents I wasn't ready for college when I graduated from high school. Instead I went ahead with it and in my mind failed at it and I hate that. I just wanted to find happiness, a husband, and get married and be a home maker and a wife. Yet you can't really major in that. But as a mom I'm so many different things. I am a chef, a doctor, a teacher... I can go on and on and it saddens me that sometimes I don't feel like that is enough. When it really is.

In society so much emphasis is placed on who you are and what you do that being a mom gets lost. I don't feel like it gets the attention it should. It is amazing what a mom does on a daily basis and not just anyone can do it. I'm tired of hiding my true self because i'm not what in my head I think society wants me to be. No I don't have a degree. I don't have a full time job with an awesome paycheck and vacation time. I am just a mother. Take that just out of that last sentence. I am a mother. It is time I step out in to my light. I am enough for Harper. In fact I'm pretty sure she doesn't care what I do as long as I love her, feed her, play with her, and make her feel safe. I know that 50 years from now it won't matter how much was in my bank account, what we lived in, or the car I drove. What will matter is that I was important in the life of my child.

Enough is enough. I will not let my frustrations get the best of me. I am going to embrace parenting and grow along with Harper through the laughter, tears, forgiveness, and patience. Harper is a gift. Being a mother is a gift. I may not have received a degree for it but I continue to work damn hard for it. I continue to learn what Harper teaches me and what a blessing that is.