If I'm being honest lately I have been very cranky towards my husband. For no good reason at all. For things that are beyond both of our control. I will admit I am an insecure person sometimes. I don't know why but sometimes I just go to that place. You see it has nothing to do with him. It is me and I after I take it out on him I just feel awful.
We have been married two years this coming October and a majority of our time has been spent apart. First he was deployed. Upon returning from deployment we moved to Alabama for Flight School for the Army. The first 7 weeks of that we spent a part because of WOCS and then we got a few weeks together then spent 3 apart for his SERE training. He is now in the hard part of Flight School and although he comes home at night he is gone all day and comes home, eats, studies, and goes to bed. It is hard but I constantly have to remind myself that this is temporary and it is my husbands dream. As overwhelmed as he is right now he smiles as he leaves every morning because he is doing what he loves best and fulfilling his dream. What an amazing feeling.
Yesterday a blogger and fellow mil spouse I follow shared an article on twitter. This one to be exact. It was something I needed to read as I spent another afternoon crying and feeling sorry for myself. I behave as that young wife, holding on to her husband for dear life. I'm not living my life. I love my husband more than anything and he hates that he is gone all the time but i'm sure he hates it even more seeing me hurt like I do. But I'm choosing to feel this way. To be needy.
Point is we will survive flight school just as we did deployment. I think it is about time I start to adapt better. I don't mean this in a bad way but I need to be a little less dependent on him and work on my independence. Everything really is going to be okay.
The above song Overwhelmed by Tim McMorris sum up my feelings about my husband so much. He really does show me just how good life can be. To him I apologize for my recent behavior. I can assure you though despite my current pity parties he knows how much I love him.
Thanks for putting up with me babe.
Good for you, lady!! :)
ReplyDeleteI love how sometimes music is the best way to say I'm sorry and become a little stronger.
I cannot imagine how hard this would be! I find that I get sad and lonely just when my husband and I have to work longer hours some days - ie NOTHING compared to flight school or deployment.
ReplyDeleteI SO needed to read this...I've been in a place of insecurity lately, and it certainly does complicate relationships. When we're so needy, I don't think we have much to bring to the relationship - it's when we're free and living our own life that we become an asset and a help to the other person again. At least those are some of the conclusions I've come to...good luck on your journey!
ReplyDeleteAww! I love this, your humility and sweetness are so wonderful :)
ReplyDeleteI had a super rocky childhood and so even as an adult, I seriously struggle with insecurity, so let me tell you, I understand.
I'm currently reading So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and I really love it! Hopping over to that article now... :)
You're so honest and I'm glad! Love this post.
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