Deployment: One Month Later

I've been meaning to sit down and write for some time now but its like the thoughts come at the most random of times or I'm needed. Some one ALWAYS needs me. In fact, if you want to know what the hardest part of deployment has been thus far it is that. I can't recall the last time I was able to take a real breather as I bounce from one child's need to the other. And that is okay. I'm pretty sure thats parenting in a nut shell, its just that I don't have a husband coming home to carry some of the load with me and him coming home was all of ours favorite time of day. For them it was the joy of daddy, for me it was that too, but also it meant I could relax a little.

The days and weeks following the deployment have been pretty good. I no doubt have the most incredible thoughtful people in my life that lift me up and give me strength when I need it the most. There have been texts and calls daily. Coffee & and wine left at my door. Oh, and oreo's. Those lasted approximately 24 hrs. Ha. I don't even know how to show my family and friends how grateful I am for them but I hope they know it. I hope they know they pull me out of a sad place and make me realize I have much more to be thankful for. They give me strength on the days i'd rather sit around and feel sorry for myself. They listen to me when I need it. They make me laugh. They love me, and have faith in me and it helps me so much.

After my husband left we jumped right back into our routine. It helped. The busyness is needed and it really helps pass the time. The army wasn't messing around either and already gave my husband his four day pass. Two of those days were spent traveling but we got two blissful days in between those. And they were perfect. We celebrated the holidays early, eating thanksgiving dinner while putting up the tree. But no matter how wonderful the time was we couldn't hide the sadness either. I felt sick the entire time because I knew it was ending. It is the little things we take for granted that my husband would give anything to not leave behind. He did things like feed Norah a bottle. It would be the LAST time he'd ever get to do that for when he comes home she won't be drinking from them anymore. It just freaking kills me. The whole two days we had were just a reminder to me that we are so lucky and we have it so good and there are so many freaking days where I take that for granted. Life can be so repetitive, so mundane, but there is so much beauty in it. So so much. I hate that I ever thought things just weren't enough. We have each other and that is EVERYTHING.

We said our goodbyes once more on Monday. It hurt more than the first time. Deployment is a grieving process. There really isn't a kinder way to put it. That is the stage we are in right now. We are mourning the loss of his presence. A month from now we will be in a completely different stage but right now we are sad. We miss him, so very much, and the current goal is to just make it through the holidays without too many tears. It will sting a little not having him home.

So this is where we are right now. Keep us in your prayers if you don't mind. But most of all keep him. Pray for his safety. Pray for him to have strength. I know he misses us on a whole other level. But I also know he is incredible and this experience will hopefully be the same for him. The REAL countdown has begun.