Woe Is Me

There is no doubt that the last few weeks or pregnancy are the HARDEST. If I am being honest it is a complete mind game. Every twinge, every pain, every anything you feel makes you think this could be it. It is incredibly frustrating, & disappointing even though you know there is indeed an end, and that baby will indeed be here soon. In the meantime however? I'm torturing myself by reading birth stories and swooning over other babies. I just want to hold mine.

At 38 weeks (almost 39) I'm currently waddling around with a belly I'm not sure could get any bigger. But it IS. My belly is still somehow managing to work its way out of the bottom of my maternity shirts. I've never felt like more of a babe than I do right now.

Then there is walking. Well if you want to call it that. Every time I get up I feel as though the baby is going to fall out. The pressure I'm experiencing right now is making me extremely uncomfortable. 

Don't let that last sentence fool you though. What is sleep? At this point I'm lucky to get a few hours. I try to sleep on my sides and no matter what side I am on my hip falls asleep. I'm almost to the point at night where I may have to start asking my husband to help me roll over. It is rough. If I'm not in pain I can't sleep because the only thing I can think about is the fact that there is a baby coming. I cannot stop daydreaming about it.

So here I sit.

Hoping.

Waiting.

Then there is the whole battle with myself. I'm really attempting to make peace with my body. Which has been very hard. I talked about this my last few blogs but this is the first pregnancy I have felt things. Felt that maybe, just maybe I'm going to labor on my own and my body won't need help. I won't need them to break my water or to use pitocin. But after a breakdown yesterday I think I need to just accept that's how I am. I am 6 days away from my induction date and that is going to be the day she comes. I will still give birth. That I will feel. I guess I just need a little help to get there. I wish this wasn't as hard on me as it is but it hurts a little. I so badly want that natural birth experience. I want to just start having contractions at home and have that ah ha moment that it is time. But it just doesn't happen that way for me. 

This coming Tuesday we will check in to the hospital bright and early and start the induction process. A process I know all too well. It won't be my dream labor, but then end result is always a dream come true. So now I just wait. We are almost there and that takes away from the pain a little.