Boobs Part 2

Our new normal.

I almost gave up. For selfish reasons kind of. After spending yesterday afternoon crying because of the endless cycle of nursing, pumping, and supplementing, I was done with breast feeding. I didn't see an end in sight to the supplementing and I wondered why I even nursed her at all if she wasn't getting enough. You see Friday the LC brought to my attention that Finley nursing isn't the problem. She does a wonderful job. The problem was me. I don't produce enough milk for her so she isn't getting satisfied and I need to be eating more and taking supplements. But I still left encouraged! Finley can nurse!! Upon leaving her office I was told I need to supplement Finley more often whether it be with pumped milk or formula, until she returned to her birth weight. So I went to the store stocked on protein bars and More Milk Plus to take along with my Fenugreek.

All day Friday and yesterday we did the endless cycle I mentioned above. Nurse, supplement, pump...nurse, supplement, pump. Even though I was tired I was excited. I was going to get my supply up. I was determined. I have been experiencing good things with the More Milk Plus. I went from pumping barely half and ounce to a minim of 1.5-2 each time I pump and I even pumped 4 oz Saturday morning. For some reason it wasn't good enough for me though. I was still having to give Finley a bottle and that was driving me crazy. Even though the bottles were mostly my milk I hated it.

So then I decided yesterday evening I was going to just exclusively pump. Since I have to give her a bottle anyways I might as well just do it this way and be done with nursing. I attempted to pump every two hours. It seemed to work okay but something just didn't feel right to me. I felt like I was giving up. It wasn't until I got up to pump around 2 this morning that I had a moment. I was on instagram (thank goodness for social media for pumping and nursing) and I stumbled across something that shook me up. Something that really put things into perspective. It made me realize that I had perfectly fine boobs capable of nursing even if it wasn't 100% enough to make her full. It made me realize how lucky I was to have Finley and to get another chance to get the breastfeeding thing down. It made me realize that even though I complain about nursing I really truly love it. I love the time with Finley and I'll only get to do this once with her. I can't just stop nursing and pump. I just can't.

So this morning we are back to the grind--nurse, pump, supplement, nurse, pump, supplement. I'm in good place with it. Amazing the things that can come to you in the wee morning hours. Finley gets mostly breast milk from me all day but there is nothing wrong with having to use a little formula sometimes. She is happy, healthy, and full so I must be doing something right. As for my supply? I'm doing all I can to increase it and I'll continue to try and bring it up. I don't know how long I'll be able to nurse if my supply is not able to keep up with her growing. But I'm going to go as long as I can and you know what? I'm proud of myself. Finley is almost 3 weeks old and to me even making it to 3 weeks is successful.

This morning I'm hopeful and it feels good.